Sorry, I know this is lame, especially after such a long absence. But I really need to vent a little.
Sometimes I feel like a money eater. Nothing more. A total taker. And it feels rotten.
I believe that G-d provides for all my needs. The question is am I needing too much? And I wish it didn't have to be coming so directly from others. It's not a good feeling.
My policy is to avoid bringing personal details onto my blog, so I'll stop about here. Think what you want. The bottom line is, I feel down. Stuck in a rut. And very dependent on people.
If you've been lurking, please speak up. I need a lift.
14 comments:
I know how you feel. I'm also depending on others. I don't have a job right now. But I hope to get one soon.
Your post reminds me of a beautiful story from Rebbetzin Esther Greenberg z"l ('Woman to woman' by artscroll).
There was once a family with ten children. They were so poor the children often went hungry. One day, the mother found an egg. She thought to herself: "If I boil this egg and divide it up into ten pieces, each child will get practically nothing!"
She took the egg home and cooked it. Then she went into the bedroom, locked the door... and ate the egg. Her children knocked at the door and said, 'Mommy, what are you doing in there?' She told them: 'Children, I am making you a mother'.
What does this story teach? Sometimes you need to take in order to be able to give. The fact that you feel bad about taking means that you only take because you need it. Taking right now means that in the future you will be able to give more. Don't feel bad about it.
Hope you feel better soon I can relate it's very normal to feel that way.
Excellent Moshol by FrumTeacher (quoting Rebbetzin Greenberg).
I'm sure that You will agree.
She really said it all.
(In response to your request,
I am no longer making completely anonymous comments.)
hmmmm...
talk to you later, hon.
Thanks, all.
Gut-- so you were anon? Do you have a blog, too? Just curious how you found me... I haven't had a new reader in a while. Welcome!
Dreamer-- "hon?!" Am I in trouble now?
nah, just using a term someone spoke to me earlier...
Just hang in there, Good times are always ahead!
We all feel that way at times, but it passes, and things gets better
im yirzeh hashem,
hon is only used south of the mason dixon line...lol
Since I came to this ent late I'm hoping you're feeling better.
Money tends to bring with it so many issues..its such a curse..
Smetimes I wish communism could work..
I know the feeling, and it is not a pleasant one.
The one thing I may be able to say in the way of comfort is that if you're concerned that you're being too much of a taker, chances are in reality you're not. Real takers don't care how much they're taking.
need a lift? hang on here I come! lol
(Responding to some of your queries: )
You might not realize that everybody at TFC probably reads your blogs.
During the past several weeks (before I adopted this name) I had made several Anono comments - mostly agreeing with your comments and with The Miss Dreamer's comments. (Hence my screen-name: "Gut Gezuhgt".)
Occasionally I also agreed with Mel's views about teaching (although I am willing to accept that he is not your triplet).
As for who I really I am - if You LAdies figure it out Together - then please be nice enough not to give me away.
As for Bob - who spelled the word very differently (different dialect within Yiddish) - maybe he was justing copying an idea within its proper context. (He was actually agreeing with You - so the context called for it.)
Now that I've given a name to myself (even though it doesn't reveal my real identity - or do You know that, too? - I don't know how blogging really works)
I might start to limit myself to a lesser number of personal comments - but usually still agreeing with you and others.
But don't feel bad: You may recall that Bob already quoted from his wife about the need to spend Less time on the computer,
and this thought has been echoed by others at TFC (including you)
as well as by other bloggers on their blogs.
(Why am I on here after midnight, anyway ? Goodbye.)
gut - don't worry. we won't try...
we're not some sort of conspiracy or anything...
:)
Bas-Melech,
The world we live is an interdendent society. That is the only system possible to exist in a civilized manner.
This means that every relationship involves give and take, you should know that.
Sometimes, it is necessary to take from others so that they are comfortable taking from you.
Sure, you need to learn to be independent before you can contribute to an interdependent environment, but there are many ways to be independent.
With almost everything in this world, the key is BALANCE. when you find the right balance, you will be able to see clearly in both directions, and recognize that you are contributing just as much to your social environment.
(if you want to learn more about the dynamics of interdependent societies, read Steven Covey's 7 habits book. He discusses it there in detail.)
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