Friday, May 18, 2007

Midnight Musings/Predawn Post


Sometimes I wish I could do this to my brain.
"Delete temporary internet files."
And everything else I should never have looked at.

To some extent, with strong tshuva I can erase it from my soul.
But that is on a higher sphere.
Here and now, it cannot be undone.
Everything I've seen, heard, or done on this Earth will remain to taunt me for a good while.

Ah, well -- at least I can remove the traces from my computer!
Except this little confession defeats the purpose...
And the moral of the story is...

I AM TOO TIRED TO BLOG!!!

Oh, and by the way -- For those who were so kind as to be with me and offer comfort on the last post:
I want you to know that since posting that, through some very interesting twists of hashgacha, I received several very encouraging signs that things are OK after all. The circumstances are rather personal, so I won't share, but the messages were strong and the timing was incredible.

During the same time, I also picked up some equally clear signals of my differentness. Although it made me very uncomfortable, I think I was better equipped to handle it. Though next time I think I will try a little harder to blend in... Anyway, thanks.

9 comments:

Shoshana said...

Very, beautiful message Bas.. Learn Chovos HaLovovos Shaar HaBotochin 5 minutes, and you will be amazed at how much Hasgacha you will see...

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I am happy you are more comfortable now and thanks for letting us know. We will all have some differences no matter what, I hope you will find comfort with those too.

The Dreamer said...

ah, basmelech - we've got a lot to talk about...
this post is so true, btw..

David_on_the_Lake said...

actually thru teshuva...we can do something that even Bill Gates cant even dream of..
We can turn everything into zechusim..

Scraps said...

Ah yes, I wish I had such a delete button on my memory myself.

Thanks for the update. :)

Bas~Melech said...

Shoshana -- Thanks for the good advice. I need to revisit that sefer, haven't been there in a while...

Dreamer -- What'd I do now?! Well, you know my number.

David -- Just wondering... why Bill Gates? But true. Only that kind of teshuva is incredibly difficult...

SWFM, Scraps -- thanks for the comments.

David_on_the_Lake said...

well..just picked the guy whos responsible for the "click here to delete files" of which you so fondly speak..

Anonymous said...

Do not try to blend or fit in, it causes such pain to the neshama. Be true to yourself and to others.

Bas~Melech said...

Anono-- I hate to disagree with my commentators, but there is definitely something to be said for socialization. As long as it doesn't run contrary to Torah and mitzvot.